I lied today. It's not a regular thing for me, but I did. I was at the doctor's for a new patient check-up, and they asked the question - 'What's your weekly alcohol consumption?' I automatically chose an option that I felt would be the ‘respectable human being’ answer, but I knew it wasn't quite accurate. The fact that I felt shame enough to lie to the doctor alarmed me.
I don't have an outrageous addiction or a habit of getting blindly drunk often. Those days are thankfully past, but I do drink regularly enough to feel uncomfortable with the question. It's a life adjustment I have had to make before - the 'drink on special occasions' moves to 'drink every weekend,' and then, often in moments of intensity or difficulty, before you know it, you are looking at the clock on a midweek evening to see if it's 'wine o'clock,' validating my choice by the 'intensity of life right now.'
I realize in me, in this moment of time, the propensity to begin to subtly make a large glass of wine a substitute for the true peace and well-being that is available to me. Transition and change surround me, and I could easily numb this process to ease the journey, but today I feel convicted. So today, because I know what's good for me in this season, I will put the wine glasses away until Christmas and find true peace for this journey that doesn't come from any earthly glass but is a gift from Heaven.
I could, of course, make this decision personally and not publicly, but today I choose to speak it out and share the journey. It would definitely protect me from your judgments, but shame always invites us to hide, whereas vulnerability invites freedom and accountability. I want to be the freest, healthiest, fullest version of me. This has been my honest journey.
The truth is, in today's fast-paced world, it's easy to find ourselves making choices that don't align with our true values nor honor our well-being. Sometimes, it takes a moment of self-reflection and vulnerability to recognize these unhealthy patterns and take steps toward positive and lasting change.
It could be that you, like me, find that there are things in your life that begin to edge into your ‘God spot’, things that you gradually become more and more dependent on for your peace and well-being. If so, then join me in tackling those of those tendencies by taking some of the following action points for your own journey.
Here are steps to help you make lasting positive changes and embark on a path of self-discipline and growth:
1. Identify the ‘why’ and ‘when’
On the surface level, it is hard to recognize why we do what we do, however, most of our unhealthy choices are driven by genuine needs and desires that we cannot dismiss..
Valuing a sincere need that requires attention rather than merely fighting to quit an unhealthy habit is the starting point to true wholeness and empowerment.
As you begin to dig deeper you will find that there may be particular times, situations, feelings or thoughts that provoke a need that results in an unhealthy choice. Needs are often easier to numb than to tend to. Paying attention to these moments can help us put robust changes in place.
Set aside time for regular self-reflection and journaling.
Explore your motivations, desires, and values in depth.
Create a trigger journal to document situations that prompt undesired behaviors.
4. Identify the ‘what now’ and ‘how’
Having the ‘why’ and ‘when’ in your sights helps you make an action plan to not just go ‘cold turkey’ and struggle through the pain of abstinence or breaking a habit, but put realistic steps in place to see breakthrough.
Look for patterns and develop a plan to avoid triggers or manage them when they come.
Set specific and achievable goals.
Break larger goals into manageable steps for tracking progress.
Identify alternative coping mechanisms for stress and life challenges.
Practice these strategies consistently and seek support when necessary.
None of these can be done without a good dose of the following:
Compassion
Be kind to yourself!
Practice self-compassion - ‘you are doing your best!’
Forgive yourself for ‘past choices’
Be gracious with your moments of failure - ‘get up and go on’
Communication
Talk to yourself
Learn mindfulness techniques to reduce self-criticism.
Acknowledge and celebrate every small victory and milestone.
Speak truths to yourself in the mirror that counteract how you feel - to stay motivated and build confidence even when you don’t feel it!
Talk to others
Share your journey openly to receive valuable support and break shame.
Keep communication channels open with your support system.
Reach out when facing challenges or relapses, as they are part of the journey.
Continue to grow
Periodically review your values and well-being goals.
Adjust your action plan to align with changing life circumstances and aspirations.
Our journeys to personal growth and positive change may have its challenges, but it's also a path to empowerment and a fuller, healthier version of yourself. Embrace the journey, and with determination and support, you can discover your true potential and well-being.
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. Small habits can make a meaningful difference by providing evidence of a new identity. And if a change is meaningful, it is actually big. That's the paradox of making small improvements."
― James Clear
Note: Sometimes you realize that you need a little help, and that therapy or counseling is what you need to address underlying issues. Research and find a professional who specializes in your specific concerns.
A trigger journal. Who thought?!!!
Great article! Thank you.